My dreams as a whole tend to be extremely vivid and unforgettable, but some of them feel like somebody inserted a movie inside my mind while I slept. I had one of those dreams this past Friday, and in hindsight, the entire plot felt like an analogy for where I am right now.

Dream of the End

The setting was a waterside city, most likely by the sea. The plot revolved around a young boy and girl with polarizing personalities. The young man was timid, shy, and hesitant to act. The young woman on the other hand was aggressive, determined, and willing to get her hands dirty if necessary. In a way, she reminded me of Megara from Disney’s Hercules.

While I thought at first that both characters had equal roles to play, it became increasingly apparent that the girl was the true main character. She was a wayward soul who had lost her mother, had been simultaneously separated from her father, and had been raised by a supernatural version of a maternal sea creature that vaguely resembled a green sea lion.

To make matters insidious, there was a demonically possessed woman in a black cloak constantly lurking in this dream, and I believe that the victim was this girl’s mother. The demon possessing her had been goading the girl into taking revenge against the entire world, by way of nuclear apocalypse. This is what I get for my obsession with American Horror Story: Apocalypse!

When the girl encountered the boy, his gentleness and empathy made her realize that she’d chosen the wrong path. Although the demon in this dream tried to terrify him away from influencing this girl, by way of cornering him and revealing its true form, nothing dissuaded him from offering his kindness.

The girl revealed to the boy that she’d been given a pink diamond-like trigger to activate nuclear vents across the world. They promptly destroyed it, painfully aware that by doing so, she was now within the murderous sights of the demon, who would certainly kill her for her choice to stand up.

At this point, the dream started to focus intensely on her. The girl took the boy to pay what she believed would be her final moment with the maternal sea creature. They were all underwater, and the matriarch cooed excitedly at seeing her foster daughter again. It was clear that the girl had been raised with ferocious love.

Sunrise On the Waters

This is still my favorite moment in the dream. The girl went back to the shores in the city, a serene place next to old train tracks. She stood weeping in despair by the quiet waters, looking out at the skyline despondently as the sun started to rise.

Her friends arrived to give her words of comfort, and to firmly remind her that despite her crushing hopelessness, she wasn’t alone. Her father also showed up, breaking down into tears himself upon seeing how distraught his only child was.

Just as a glorious sunrise broke over the horizon, illuminating everything in vivid colors, her father gave her powerful words of encouragement. Though she faced a dire foe, victory was almost at hand. Her battle wasn’t finished yet, and with the reminder that she was deeply loved, she was prepared to fight one last time.

To Battle!

She flew just over the waters down a canal in the city, still weeping with dread as she waited for the demon to appear. Sure enough, the possessed woman tried to ambush her, leaping out from the buildings on the canal’s side.

The girl seemed to know exactly how the fiend would attack, managing to dodge and repel her attacks with supernatural defenses. She came to the canal’s dead end, and stood her ground against her opponent.

Out of nowhere, the boy showed up, despite his understandable fear of the demon, brandishing a vial of holy water. Together, the boy and the girl exorcised the woman, violently expelling the demon while saving her soul.

Saints Michael and Gabriel the Archangels materialised on the scene, binding the demon and preparing to cast it back to Hell. I still remember Gabriel openly calling the fiend a “fallen seraphim”, noting coldly its fall from grace. It makes me wonder if it was the devil himself that had been haunting these dream characters.

The two angels ripped open a portal to Hell and threw the demon through. I unfortunately caught a glimpse of its warped true form, and of the chaotic void beyond. Yikes.

Analysis

That same day at work, I fell into a deep bout of depression. There really isn’t other way to say this; I feel trapped in a job environment that’s been sucking the life out of me for the last few weeks. Despite my efforts since last August to find a new job, 40+ applications later, I’m still stuck here. I feel like I’ve been trapped in a glass cage with no way out, despite my best efforts.

Things were really bad for me on Friday. At my thrift store, if you’re a cashier, then you’re doomed to be constantly pulled away from your main duty for transactions. We’ve been abnormally busy the last few weeks, and as a result, I’ve been having a hard time getting my main task (delivering racks of clothing to the sales floor by department) done. There are times where I feel demonized for being unable to be in two places at once, and it’s a horrid feeling.

I wanted to quit on Friday, even without my next job lined up. I was so close to collapsing in tears because the stress and hopelessness had hit its peak. Then, one of my co-workers pulled me aside to tell me that a customer she’d cashed out had dropped me a compliment in passing about how nice I always am. And then, she told me this, out of the blue:

“You would be dearly missed.”

Ugh, that hit me so hard. I’m pretty sure that was God speaking through her.

That dream was a reflection of my psyche right now. I’m both that timid boy and that determined, anguished girl. But especially that girl. Her breaking down by the waters is a reflection on how bad things have been for me lately. And the positives ring true, as well. Her friends and father showing up to encourage her perfectly resemble the powerful, love-filled support I’m getting. It wouldn’t surprise me if her father was an echo of God weeping compassionate tears for my own anguish.

Unfortunately, it deserves a mention that the demon haunting my characters is a representation of a real problem I’ve dealt for the 8 years I’ve been a born-again Christian. Interactions with these abominations in my dreams and in the middle of the night have been a recurring battle, one that’s been truly harrowing. I will say though, if God’s plan for me is inciting these things to try to haunt me again, then they must be truly afraid of its fruition.

And that sunrise…it was the most beautiful sunrise I’ve ever seen. As it goes, there’s a reason why sunrises are associated with hope. They’re a timeless symbol of overcoming despair, and new beginnings.

I have a feeling that I’m about to hit a breakthrough like she did in the dream. I’m so, so close. It’s as they say, it’s always darkest before the dawn. And I refuse to give up this battle.

Somewhere there's a sun that's shining
Somewhere we'll find a life that's good
Some way I'm gonna make it happen
Just like you always knew I could

We're treading water on a river of tears
And I don't know what to do
I can take a beating, but I ain't gonna let it happen to you, you