“Oh LORD my God, I cried to you for help, and you have healed me.” (Psalms 30:2)
I’m not sure if the sudden increase in cloudy, dreary weather has been the culprit, or the stress of my job has wiped me out more than I initially realized, but I was feeling really empty and drained last night, and loneliness was wearing me down more than usual. It doesn’t help that I haven’t been giving myself enough sleep lately, due to my early-morning work shifts and the fact that as a night owl, I tend to stay up late into the night, past what should be a reasonable bed time for me.
I tried to get some sort of writing done last night, but my physical and mental exhaustion prevented me from getting anything written. It was quite the unproductive night, and my attempts to get rid of my weariness by scouring YouTube for random, funny videos didn’t do much to help.
To my embarrassing realization, it wasn’t until I shut the computer off and started to finally pray deeply about my exhaustion that I started to feel better. Once again, I learned that trying to use any resource other than God for healing will never work, and I won’t deny that I felt ridiculous for putting off praying last night.
By the time I went to sleep, I had talked it all out with God: my weariness, my frustration with how stressful my job has become, and my aching desire to have the right guy by my side at last. I felt a necessary re-affirmation of the simple fact that only God can keep all of that at bay, and not even the best guy in the whole world can fend off my loneliness like He does.
When I woke up this morning, my daily Bible verse app showed the aforementioned verse to me, and the whole thing read like a summary of my spiritual experience last night. I truly do feel healed, and I know that He’s got my back like He always has, and always will.
Yes, it really is draining some nights, not having a partner by my side. Honestly, it sucks, especially when I see other young couples out enjoying their time together. I refuse to let envy and jealousy take residence in my heart, but I can’t deny that the sight fuels my longing. At times like that, I empathize with Quasimodo from Disney’s The Hunchback of Notre Dame, when he sings the song “Heaven’s Light”.
I know it’ll be ok, and that this loneliness won’t last forever. I won’t forget God’s presence in my life at all times, and I won’t forget His promises either.