This gloomy, stormy weather the last two weeks has been horrendous for my depression. Yesterday at work was especially bad. Even with my Wellbutrin and Vitamin D in my system, the lack of sleep this atrociously hot and humid week’s given me compounded my symptoms, especially the irrational feelings of hopelessness.
Last night, I looked up Bible verses about rest, and I found this line from Psalm 55:
‘And I say, “Oh, that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest;’
"And I, I wish that I could be that bird
And fly away from here
I wish I had the wings to fly away from here, yeah"
Yeesh. “I wish I could fly away from here” has been something I’ve been saying to myself for a while now. It was a huge, gratifying shock to see this sentiment captured in a Psalm. Not to mention, finding a parallel between the Old Testament and my favorite Annie Lennox song “Little Bird”!
‘My heart is in anguish within me;Psalm 55:4-8
the terrors of death have fallen on me.
Fear and trembling have beset me;
horror has overwhelmed me.
I said, “Oh, that I had the wings of a dove!
I would fly away and be at rest.
I would flee far away
and stay in the desert;
I would hurry to my place of shelter,
far from the tempest and storm.”’
I know that Psalm 55 is mostly about dealing with enemies, and in one stanza, about betrayal from a former friend. As somebody who struggles against depression, I see this Psalm as a perfect analogy for the exhausting, perpetual war we fight against the lies our depression feeds us. We fight an an endless war against enemies invisible to everybody else, and some days, it feels like we’re losing.
Check out this part of the Psalm!
“As for me, I call to God,
and the Lord saves me.
Evening, morning and noon
I cry out in distress,
and He hears my voice.
He rescues me unharmed
from the battle waged against me,
even though many oppose me.
God, who is enthroned from of old,
who does not change—
he will hear them and humble them,
because they have no fear of God.”Psalm 55:16-19
Everyday, God helps me overcome all of the awful lies depression throws at me. For me, I struggle a lot against the fear that I’m just endlessly repeating a pointless cycle every week. God dispels that irrational lie with gentle, rational reminders about why we have objective hopes for the future.
Please don’t ever hesitate to call on God the instant you need help. Nobody should ever feel that they’re alone in their fight against mental illnesses. Peace be with you, friends, wherever you are.
“Cast your burden on the LORD, and He will sustain you. He will never permit the righteous to be moved.”Psalm 55:22
"I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes 'til I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk, take a chance, make a change